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Lawyer jokes

65 jokes about lawyers


You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed but you only have 2 bullets left, what do you do?

Shoot the lawyer. Twice.

13     14

gangster

What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

12     4

girl,sexy

money
Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client's case on the basis of newly discovered evidence."

Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?"

Lawyer: "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left."

27     1


How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

1) Three. One to prosecute, one to defend, one to screw it the same way they do everything else.
2) How many can you afford?

6     2

light bulb

devil
A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil.

As he passed sulphurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman.

"That's unfair!" he cried. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."

"Shut up", barked the devil, jabbing the man with his pitchfork.

"Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

33     4




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