Lawyer Jokes
Top 50 Jokes about Lawyers



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A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetary back to the car, the little girl asked: "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"

"The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

14     Woman Jokes


Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury aquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.

"Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for my dirty lawyer."

"Why?" asked the judge. "He won your aquittal. Why do you want to arrest him?"

"Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole."

8     Car Jokes


The two partners from a small law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them looked alarmed.

He announced, "I have to go back to the office right away! I forgot to lock the safe!"

"What are you worried about?" asked the other. "We're both here."

19     Safe Jokes


A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked "How much is 2+ 2?"

The housewife replies: "Four!"

The accountant says: "I think it's either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time."

The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

5     Housewife Jokes


Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?

The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythological creatures.

29     Money Jokes






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