A lady in labour is shouting the usual stuff: "Get this out of me!", "Give me the drugs!",... She turns to her boyfriend and says: "You did this to me you bastard!"
He replies casually: "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse
but you said 'Fuck Off! It'll be too painful!' Not laughing now are we!?"
A life long supporter of the labour party
was lying on his death
bed when he suddenly decided to join the Tory
"But why?" asked his puzzled friend, "You're labour through and through … Why change now?"
leaned forward and explained: "Well, I'd rather it was one of them that died and not one of us."