36 jokes about kills
13 dog jokes
Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman
because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer
; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot
, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird
Well, sure enough the dog
, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.
As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!"
To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!"
4 wife jokes
A man was leaving a cafe when he noticed an unusual funeral
A funeral Coffin was followed by a second one. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog
. Behind him was a queue
of 200 men walking in single line.
The man couldn't stand his curiosity. He approached the man walking with the dog. "I am so sorry to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is it?" The man replied, "That first coffin is for my wife
." "What happened to her?"
"My dog attacked and killed her."
"Well, who is in the second coffin?"
. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also." A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.
Then the man asks in excitement: "Can I borrow the dog?"
The man replied: "Join the queue. Everyone is queuing for it."
10 light bulb jokes2 mother-in-law jokes
How many Klingons
does it take to change a light bulb
1) Two. One to change the light bulb and one to kill the other and take all the credit
2) None. There is no honor
in changing a light bulb, besides, a true warrior
isn't afraid of the dark
3 dentist jokesNext page Jokes
A man goes to a dentist
to have a tooth pulled. The dentist pulls out a freezing needle
to give the man a shot.
"No way! No needles! I hate needles," the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas.
The man objects again: "I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!"
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill
"No objection," the patient says. "I'm fine with pills."
The dentist then returns and says: "Here's a Viagra
The patient says: "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"
"It doesn't" said the dentist, "But it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth!"