A man charged with assault and battery insisted at his trial that he had just pushed his victim "a little bit". When he was pressured by the prosecutor to illustrate just how hard, the defendant approached the lawyer, slapped him in the face, grabbed him firmly by the lapels and flung him over the table.22 Lawyer Jokes
He then faced judge and jury and calmly declared, "I would say it was about one-tenth that hard."
A lawyer cross-examined the adversary's main witness. "You claim to have stopped by Mrs. Edwards' house just after breakfast. Will you tell the jury what she said?"11 Lawyer JokesProposal
"Objection, your honor," shouted the other lawyer.
There then followed a long argument between the lawyers as to whether the question was proper. Finally, after 45 minutes, the judge allowed it.
"So," the first lawyer continued, "Please answer the question: What did Mrs. Edwards say when you went to her house after breakfast on December 3rd?"
"Nothing," said the witness. "No one was home."
A man was taken for hearing, the Judge asks: "Why are you arrested?"5 Short jokes
He says: "For shopping early?"
Judge: "Well, that's not a crime, anyway how early were you shopping?"
He replies: "Before the vendor opened the shop!"
Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury aquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.8 Lawyer Jokes
"Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for my dirty lawyer."
"Why?" asked the judge. "He won your aquittal. Why do you want to arrest him?"
"Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole."
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city subscribed to a fund for his funeral.20 Lawyer JokesNext page Jokes
The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling.
"Only a shilling?" said the Justice, "Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea - go and bury 20 more of them."