1) If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. 2) When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly. 3) Experiments must be reproduceable, they should fail the same way each time. 4) First draw your curves, then plot your data. 5) Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined. 6) Always keep a record of your data. It indicates that you have been working. 7) To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance. 8) If you can't get the answer in the usual manner, start at the answer and derive the question. 9) In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. 10) Do not believe in miracles--rely on them. 11) Team work is essential, it allows you to blame someone else. 12) All unmarked beakers contain fast-acting, extremely toxic poisons. 13) No experiment is a complete failure. At least it can serve as a negative example. 14) Any delicate and expensive piece of glassware will break before any use can be made of it.
Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden barf attack impending. "Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!" She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you." So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face. "Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"
"I didn't have to go that far, mom. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK."
How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
What do you call a woman who works as hard as a man?
Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden barf attack impending. "Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!" She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you." So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face. "Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"
What is the smallest part of a FIAT?