A little girl asked her mother
, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made ..."
Two days later the girl asked her father
the same question.
The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his!"
Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning the Father's room the other day, and I found a bunch of pornographic magazines."
"What did you do?" the second nun asked.
"I threw them in the trash, of course."
"Well," said the second nun, "I was in the Father's room putting away laundry and found a bunch of condoms."
"What did you do?" the first nun asked.
"I poked holes in them."
"Oh, crap," said the third nun.→ Joke
Mother to daughter advice:
Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.→ Joke
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly".
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"
"Yes", the boy's mother answered.
"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.
"Who cares?" the mother replied.→ Joke
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"
He said, "Call for backup."→ Joke
A woman goes to the hospital, and her doctor gives her a sonogram.
He sees the baby and suddenly the baby says: "Are you my daddy?"
The doctor is shocked and goes to get another doctor, who looks at the sonogram.
The baby says again: "Are you my daddy?"
The doctor says: "No, I'm not your father."
They go to get the dad, the father looks at his baby boy and the baby asked: "Are you my daddy?"
And the father says: "Yes, I am!"
So, the baby pops out of the mother's womb, picks up his hand, and starts poking the father in the head while saying: "How do you like that?! How do you like that?!"→ JokeMore jokes