Once, there was a man who was so upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins. When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor.
"Father, I am sinful."
"Yes, son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you."
"Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it's been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her."
"That's bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake."
"Father, last week I went to my grilfriend's office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too."
"That's not very good of you."
"Father, last month, I went to her uncle's house to look for her, nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too."
"Father? ... Father?"
Suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the Father, he walked over and discovered that the Pastor was not there. So he began searching for him.
"Father? Where are you?"
He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano.
"Father, why are you hiding here?"
"Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me."
A girlfriend asked: "If my left leg was breakfast and my right leg was lunch what would you prefer"?
Boyfriend says: "Eating between meals!"
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
"You aren't so good in bed either!", he shouted and stormed off to work.
By mid morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?"
"I was in bed."
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say: ''It could have been worse.'' His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side. So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date.
Joe asked: ''Where's Gary?''
And one of his friends said: ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''
Joe says: ''Well it could have been worse.''
Both his friends said: ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''
Joe says: ''If it had happened two days ago, I would be dead now!"
A little boy wakes up three nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents bedroom. Finally, one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him."
His mom is taken by surprise and says. "Oh ... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."
The boy says, "That won't work."
His mom says, "Why?"
The boy replies. "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"More jokes