went into a library
and asked for a book on how to commit suicide
The librarian said: "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
What have clouds and men got in common?
When they finally fuck off, it’s a very nice day!
A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting ready to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below.
He thought, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing.
He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life.
"Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind."
"Dancing? I'm not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly ... "My asshole itches, and I can't scratch it!"
What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What men know about women."
Four words to ruin a man's ego ...
"Is it in YET?"
Tammy bought a new book recently entitled "What Twenty Million American Women Want."
Seeing the title, Doug grabbed the book out of her hand and started thumbing through the pages.
Astonished and not just a little bit irritated, Tammy stared up at him and said, "What in the world are you doing?"
Doug replies, "I just want to see if they've got my name spelled right."More jokes