is doing yard work and his wife
is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake
. He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?"
She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?" The man first points to his eye
, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion. The wife is not sure and says, "What?" The man repeats his gestures, mouthing "EYE KNEE - THE RAKE."
The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one. Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her "What in the heck was that?"
She replies, "EYE - LEFT TIT
- BEHIND - THE BUSH"
A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
The woman looked puzzled. "Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked.
"Because every time I talk to a woman with beautiful tits like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere"
A man left work one Friday afternoon. Being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spent his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds "Wife Wanted".
The next day, he received hundreds of replies, all reading the same thing: "You can have mine."
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.
A man staggers into a hospital with concussion, Multiple bruises, two black eyes and a 5 iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
The doctor asked "What happened to you?"
"Well I was playing Golf with my wife when we sliced our golf balls into a field of cows. I found one stuck in a cows fanny, I yelled to my wife 'this looks like yours', I don't remember much after that ..."More jokes