HOW TO IMPRESS
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
... with beer
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.→ Joke
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me ..."→ Joke
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.→ Joke
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the begining of a new argument.→ Joke
What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What men know about women."→ JokeMore jokes