One day at the rest home, an old man
are talking. Out of nowhere the woman says, "I can guess your age
The man doesn't believe her, but tells her to go ahead and try.
"Pull down your pants
," she says.
He doesn't understand but does it anyway. She inspects his rear end for a few minutes and then says, "You're 84 years old."
"That's amazing," the man says. "How did you know?"
"You told me yesterday."
A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
An attractive lady from Seattle was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. A local on horseback came along and offered her a ride to the nearest town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was pretty uneventful except that every few minutes the guy would let out a "Whoop" so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Yahoo" and rode off.
"Hey, what did you do to get him so fired up?" asked the service station attendant.
"Nothing," shrugged the woman, I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.
"Lady," the attendant said, "that guy was riding bareback ..."
Whats the difference between married men and parking spaces?
Nothing all the good ones are taken.
A woman was standing in a crowded lift of the hotel she was staying in. When a man got in and accidentally elbowed her in the breast.
The man said, "I'm sorry! But if your heart is as soft as your tit, you'll forgive me."
So the woman replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow then I am staying in room 113."More jokes