Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.
What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband?
Miss her. Pity her.
My husband said he wanted more space.
So I locked him outside.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
1) After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
2) A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?
Because the text on the diapers package said '18-40 lbs'.More jokes