Where can you find a good lawyer?
In the cemetary.
What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
About three pounds, including the urn.
What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start! (Unless you are an environmentalist; then you would consider this indiscriminate dumping of hazardous waste.)
A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil.
As he passed sulphurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman.
"That's unfair!" he cried. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."
"Shut up", barked the devil, jabbing the man with his pitchfork.
"Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed but you only have 2 bullets left, what do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.More jokes