Husband: "Want a quickie?"
Wife: "As opposed to what?"
What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband?
Miss her. Pity her.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.
A man speaks frantically on phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him, "Wow, that's a big one!"More jokes