Why didn't the husband
change the baby
for a week?
Because the text on the diapers
package said '18-40 lbs'.
Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they are born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.→ Joke
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.→ Joke
What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband?
Miss her. Pity her.→ Joke
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
1) After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
2) A dog only takes a couple of months to train.→ Joke
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says: "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really? Like a newborn baby?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."→ JokeMore jokes