Why didn't the husband
change the baby
for a week?
Because the text on the diapers
package said '18-40 lbs'.
Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they are born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
1) After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
2) A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!"
The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets.
Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."
The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."
What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband?
Miss her. Pity her.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.More jokes