What's the difference
between a new husband
and a new dog
1) After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
2) A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.
"I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation."
"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."
The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again.
"What was that for?" he complained.
"Your dog called last night."
What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband?
Miss her. Pity her.
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
1) So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
2) So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.More jokes