At an army
training camp in Florida
, the sergeant is giving a talk: "The main quality we look for in this army is commitment and this is what I call commitment." An alligator
came in the room and bit the sergeants penis
. It stayed there for about a 10 seconds then the seargent poked it in the eyes
and kicked it off.
"Now who's ready to show their commitment?" said the sergeant. A man put his hand up and said "I will, but promise you won't poke me in the eyes."
An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"
The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing."
So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long aligator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.
Just as the aligator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures.
One of the Marines then exclaimed, "Damn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"
"My father said it'd be a good idea, Sir."
"Oh? And what does your father do?"
"He's in the Army, Sir."
A man walked into a Florida bar with his alligator and asked the bartender:
"Do you serve lawyers here?"
"Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my alligator."
At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?"More jokes