were riding around town with a sign
on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES - $50.00."
A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES."
One of the girls asked the cop
, "Why don't you stop them?"
"Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion
The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.
The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS
SEEKING PETER - $50.00."
man took his dog
to the vet
after getting several complaints from the mailman
. After examining the dog, the vet said, "Sir, I don't see anything wrong with your dog other than the fact that he is old, and through my years of practice, I have found that if you castrate
an old dog, they will get fat and lazy and mellow out quite a bit."
After giving this much thought, the old man said, "OK doc, go ahead, because if I don't do something, my ass is going to end up in jail." Three days later, the old man went to the vet's office, picked the dog up and took him home.
That evening, the old man was sitting on his porch reading his paper, and the bulldog was laying by his side. Along came the mailman, who turned into the old man's front gate to give the old man his mail. Off of the porch jumped the dog, knocked the mailman down, and proceeded to tear his ass up.
The old man came off of the porch, picked the dog up, placed him under his arm and said, "Damn Mr. Mailman, I'm sorry as hell, but I just don't know what to do with this damn dog." "As a matter of fact, I just took him to the vet three days ago and had him castrated."
The mailman got up, brushed himself off and said, "Well you dumb son-of-a-bitch, you should have had his teeth pulled! Hell, I could tell that he didn't want to screw me when he came off of the porch!"
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist
, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide
The pharmacist asked: "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied: "I need it to poison my husband
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law? I'll lose my licence! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You cannot have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture
of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied: "You didn't tell me you had a prescription