ran up to a Nun
. Out of breath he asked: "Please, may I hide under your skirt I'll explain later."
The nun accepted his request.
A moment later, two Military Police ran up and asked: "Sister have you seen a soldier?"
The nun replied: "He went that way."
After the MP's ran off, the soldier crawled out under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enough Sister. I hope you will understand, "I don't want to go to Iraq."
The nun said: "I understand completely".
The soldier added: "I hope I am not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!"
The nun replied: "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of ballsI don't want to go to Iraq either."
The U.S Military
has stopped dropping bombs
in Iraq, and started dropping Chuck Norris
, because he's cheaper and he does more damage
Captain is assigned to a remote desert post in Iraq. During inspection, he notices a camel
tied up outside the barracks. He asks the soldier, "why is that camel there?"
The soldier says: "There are 250 men here and no women. Sometimes men get urges."
A month later the Captian has urges himself. He puts the ladder behind the camel, drops his trousers and has sex
with the camel. He asks the soldier: "Is that how the men do it?"
"No sir, they usually ride it to the brothel
Three soldiers wounded in Iraq come home and are greeted by President Obama. He thanks them for their service, but tells them that, because of budget cuts, there have been some changes to the way you will be compensated for your wounds. You will be paid $100 per inch from any one part of your body to any other part of your body, you get to choose the parts.3 Proposal
The first soldier, somewhat disappointed, says "Measure from the top of my head to the tip of my toes.", he is measured, and paid.
The second soldier says, with his arms stretched wide, "Measure from the tip of my left hand to the tip of my right." He is measured, and paid.
The third soldier smiles happily, and says, "I want you to measure from the head of my penis to my testicles." Somewhat confused, President Obama says, "Whatever you say, soldier, drop your pants." The President looks, and sees that the soldiers testicles are actually missing. After a moment, Barack regains his composure, and asks "Where are they son?" The Soldier looks at the president, smiles, and says, "Baghdad."
The Secretary of Defense is briefing President Bush on Iraq. "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."0
"Oh no!" exclaims the president, "That's terrible!" His staff is stunned at this unprecedented display of emotion, watching as Bush sits, head in hands.
Finally, he looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"