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Idiot jokes

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One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, "There are no fish down there."

He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."

He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."

He looked up into the sky and asked, "God, is that you?"

"No, you idiot," the voice said, "it's the rink manager."

15     → Joke


Proposal

A customer at a supermarket asked Ranjeet, the shelf packer if he could buy half a cucumber.

Ranjeet, went to his boss and told him: "There is an idiot who wants 1/2 a cucumber".

Unfortunately the customer had followed him and was standing right behind him. When Ranjeet realised this, he quickly added "Oh and this gentleman wants the other 1/2".

Later the boss said he was very impressed by his fast thinking and asked him where he came from.

"I come from Chatsworth" Ranjeet replied and quickly added "Nothing much comes from there except musicians and prostitutes."

To which the boss said: "Oh really? My wife comes from Chatsworth".

The quick response from Ranjeet was: "Is that so? What instrument does she play?"

5     → Joke


On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee.

When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you idiot". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.

Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you".

The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"

14     → Joke



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