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Chuck Norris was the first one to Mars, that's why there are no signs of life.

5     → Joke


A blonde is on a four-engine plane crossing the Atlantic.

All of a sudden there's a loud bang. The pilot announces over the intercom “I'm sorry, one of our engines has just shut off. We'll be delayed 45 minutes.”

Suddenly there's another bang. Once again, the intercom clicks on and the pilot expresses his regret that they'll be delayed two hours.

Shortly thereafter, there is third bang and the pilot announces that they'll be delayed 3 hours.

The blonde turns to the guy sitting beside her and says, “Man, if the fourth engine shuts off we'll be up here all day.”

9     → Joke


Yo momma is so fat when she was lying on the beach Green Peace tried to push her back in the water.

13     → Joke


Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"

"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"

"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."

"Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange trout."

"Why's that?"

"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange trout. That's what she'd like for supper tonight."

12     → Joke


In church, a pastor was leading the house in prayer. He said, "God, please protect your believers, and deliver us from sin."

Chuck Norris stood up and said, "What have you done for me lately?"

18     → Joke


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