Ice fishing - 5 jokes
One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman
drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, "There are no fish
He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He looked up into the sky and asked, "God
, is that you?"
"No, you idiot," the voice said, "it's the rink
A couple go on vacation to a fishing
resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and takes a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.
Along comes a forest policeman in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman
and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment
. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the policeman.
"That's true," replied the woman, "But you have all the equipment."
A young boy and his grandfather
one afternoon, after a couple of hours of fishing, the grandfather opened a can of beer
, the grandson
noticed and asked, "Grandpa, can I have a sip of your beer?" His grandfather looked at him and said, "Grandson, Is your penis
long enough to touch your ass?" The grandson replied, "No!"
"Then you're not old enough.", said the grandfather.
A couple of more hours went by, and the grandfather lit a cigarette. Again the grandson noticed and asked, "Grandpa, can I have a cigarette"? The grandfather replied, "Is your penis long enough to touch your asshole?" Again the grandson replied, "No!"
"Well you're not big enough to smoke
yet.", said the grandfather.
About an hour had passed and it began to get late, so the grandfather decided to pack it up and head for home. On their way home they stopped at a store, grandpa bought two lottery tickets and gave his grandson one. Grandpa scratched his off, but didn't win anything, The grandson scratched his off and won $10,000. Grandpa was all happy and surprised that his grandson had won and he asked, "Are you going to give some of that money to grandpa?" The boy looked at him and replied, "Grandpa, is your penis big enough to touch your ass?" Grandpa looked at him for a moment, then replied, "YES!"
"Good, then go fuck
yourself!", said the grandson.
George W. Bush was out jogging one morning when he tripped, fell over a bridge railing and landed in the creek below.2
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful and offered the kids their wish.
The first kid said, "I would like to go to Disneyland."
George said: "No problem, I'll take you there on Air Force One!"
The second kid said: "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."
George said: "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"
The third kid said: "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!"
George is a little perplexed by this and says: "But you don't look like you are injured."
The kid says: "I will be immediately, after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning!"