53 jokes about husbands
enrolled in nursing school
is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole
does when she has an orgasm
"Sure!" she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids
goes to a psychic
who tells her: "Prepare yourself for widowhood ... Your husband is about to die a violent death
Mrs. Clinton takes a deep breath and replies: "Will I be acquitted?"
claim that all the good men
are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands.
This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.
This confirms too, that women are always confused
and don't know what they want.
, a brunette
, and a redhead all work for a construction crew. One day, they were on their lunch
break, sitting on a beam thirty stories high. They all note that they've had the same lunch for as long as they were on the job. They agreed if they opened their lunchboxes and found the same lunch, they would all hurl themselves off the beam.
The next day, the police are investigating the scene where the three women
fell. When the police asked the husbands of the women, the brunette and the redhead's husbands both said, "If I had known, I would have given her something different." However, the blonde's husband said, "Don't look at me, she packs her own lunch."
The man tells his doctor
that his wife
hasn't wanted to have sex
with him for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.
When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband any more.
"For the last 7 months," the wife replies, "every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' I always give him an 'or what'. That makes me late to work I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your salary, or what?' That's another 'or what.' On the way home, I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' And, again, I do an 'or what'. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I'm all tired out and I don't want sex any more."
The doctor thinks for a second. "So," he says, "are we going to tell your husband or what?"