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Husband jokes

53 jokes about husbands


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What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband?

Miss her. Pity her.

30    

caveman,television

woman,roses
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"

"What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck."

30    


caveman,food
A man speaks frantically on phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

52    


Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?

Because the text on the diapers package said '18-40 lbs'.

36    

caveman,television

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.

57    

businessman:2

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