65 jokes about husbands
A
man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his
wife, they retired to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely." So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?"
The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two make passionate
love and afterwards the women rolls out. As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face. The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "
Clumsy idiot."
13
sex jokesA
couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an
argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"
Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the
wife replied, "
in-laws."
37
animal jokesThe
minister dies and the congregation decides, after some time, that his
widow, should marry again. Since it is a small village the only available candidate is the local
butcher. Although very reluctantly, since she was used to living with a bible scholar, she accepts.
After the
marriage, on Friday night just after taking a bath - the new husband tells his
wife, "Look, my mother always said that before the beginning of the weekend it was a blessing to have
sex."
They do it and then on Saturday he tells her, "According to my father it is a blessing to have sex during the day before the
Sabbath.
There they go again and when it is time to go to sleep he tells her, "My grandfather told me that one should always have sex on Sabbath night."
Finally they go to sleep and when they wake up the next morning he tells her, "My aunt says that a Christian man always starts the Sabbath by having sex. So lets do it."
Finally on Monday she goes out to the market and meets a friend that asks her, "So how is the new husband?"
"Well, an intellectual he isn't, but he comes from a wonderful
family."
31
sex jokesThere was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the
light.
Well, after 20 years the
wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down. and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device ... a
dildo! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I’ll explain the toy ... you explain the kids."
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