83 jokes about houses
17 → Joke
Gwen met Randy at a nightclub
. They hit it off, so she invited him back to her place. When they arrived at her house, they went right for the bedroom
Randy noticed hundreds of stuffed animals
scattered throughout the room. Giant stuffed animals sat on top of the wardrobe. Slightly smaller stuffed animals sat on the window sill. Many tiny stuffed animals sat on the bottom shelf of her bookcase.
After they had sex
, Randy turned to her and said, "So ... how was I?"
"Well," Gwen said, "you can take anything from the bottom shelf."
24 → JokeProposal
A man bursts into his house and yells, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery
She says, "Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"
He replies, "I don't care ... Just get the hell out!"
A working-class man who has been going steady with his upper class girlfriend for about a month is asked to have dinner with the girlfriends parents. They live in this huge mansion house in the country with servents and butlers etc, and everything is very very posh. Before dinner, he and his girlfriends parents are sitting in the drawing room, indulging in a bit of idle lighthearted hat before dinner, and everyone is laughing at his jokes and he is rather pleased with himself.9 → JokeProposal
So, the time comes for dinner, and they are all sitting around this huge dinner table enjoying a 9-course banquet. But about two-thirds through the meal the guy has *really* got to fart. He asks to be excused to go to the bathroom, and asks for instructions on how to get there, and they give him a load of directions, and by the time he has spent around 5 minutes walking around corridors he is busting for a fart. He spots a window in the hallway he is in, and a split second thought crosses his mind. He runs over to the window, opens it, pokes his butt through the hole and lets out a massive earth rumbling wiffy fart. He closes the window and makes his way back to the dinner table rather pleased with his little idea (not to mention his farting prowess).
When he returns, the three others are eating in silence. He slips into his seat opposite his girlfriend, leans over and says "This is all going rather well, isn't it?"
Turning to him with a stern face his girlfriend uttered, "Everything was going fine, until you farted through the serving hatch!"
A guy walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. The bartender pours him the drink and the guy drinks it down in one.5 → Joke
"Wow", says the bartender, "Something bad must happened".
"I came home early today," answered the guy, "went up to the bedroom, and there was my wife having sex with my best friend!"
The bartender pours the dude another triple shot. "This one's on the house". The guy gulps it down once again. The bartender asks "Did you say anything to your wife?"
The guy answers: "Yea, I walked up to her, told her we're through, pack your bag's and get out, I told her!"
"What about your friend?" asks the bartender.
"I looked him straight in the eye and said: Bad Dog!"
35 → Joke
. He decides to stop and ask for directions at a farm
Before he knocks on the door, he saw in the window an old, naked couple
. The wife was pulling her breasts, and the husband was jerking off. Horrified, the man runs across the street to another house.
The homeowner tells the man, "They're deaf
. She's saying 'Milk the cows,' and he's saying 'Go fuck