Home jokes

134 jokes about homes



At the nursing home, Abe and Edna had struck up a romantic relationship. Since both of them were in their eighties, their physical contact was rather limited. However, every evening as they sat together on the sofa, Edna would unzip Abe's fly, pull out his penis and hold it in her hand for twenty minutes. This satisfied the two of them adequately.

One day, Abe told Edna it was all off. He told her he was leaving her for Mabel - one of the other old dears at the nursing home. Naturally, Edna was a little miffed.

"Heavens! What's she got that I haven't got?'' she asks.

''Parkinson's,'' said Abe.


A man left work one Friday afternoon. Being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spent his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.



This guy was at work and was really horny, so he told some collegues at work he was going to screw his wife till the dick hurts So when he got home, he found her in bed, got in and screwed her in darkness.

Two hours later, he walks into the bathroom to find his wife in the bathtub who goes: "Shhhh your mom is in bed sleeping"!!


An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me. But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead.

You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple od bambino, some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in be with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, "TIMES UP"?



A guy has a business trip to China. While he's there he has fun with lots Chinese ladies of the evening. After coming back home to the US, he notices his penis is getting funny looking green rings around it and blue and red spots too. He goes to his PCP and the doctor does some tests. He says, "I'm afraid we'll have to amputate your penis!" The guy refuses and goes to another doctor, who tells him the same thing. After trying a few more doctors, he thinks, "Wait a minute, I got this in China, I'll go to a Chinese doctor, he'll be able to help me!" So he goes to Dr. Long Wang. Dr Wang looks at the guy's member and says, "Oh, you got Chinese dick disease. No worry!" The guy breathes a huge sigh of relief! He says, "Wow, I'm so glad! All the other doctors over here I went to said they wanted to amputate it!" Dr. Wang exclaimed, "Ah yes, American doctors always want to operate! No worry! In 3 weeks penis turn black fall off by self!"     ~ I hates bill gates