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62 jokes about holes


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What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?

Cowboy hats are for assholes!

40    


A priest, Jesus, and an old man tee off.

The priest drives the green within 5 yards of the hole.

Jesus slices the ball and it goes into the water hazard. He quickly runs across the water and hits his second onto the green 2 inches from the hole.

The old man tees off with a short worm burner that trickles into the hazard. Soon after a fish eats the ball and swims across the pond with it in its mouth. Just then an eagle swoops down and snatches the fish with the golf ball and flies off. The eagle loses its grip and drops the fish on the green. The fish then spits out the ball and it rolls into the hole for a hole in one.

Jesus turns to the old man and replies, "Play fair dad!"

30    


Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 25 years with only suitably shaped holes in trees for sex.

Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure.

One day, deep in the wilds, she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting himself into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for awhile.

Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion, Jane came out in to the open and offered herself to him.

As she reclined on the wild grass, Tarzan became aroused. He quickly ran over and kicked her in the crotch really hard.

In pain, she screamed, "What the hell did you do that for?".

Tarzan replied, "Tarzan always check for squirrels first."

9    


Yo momma is so fat. If she gained another pound, she would collapse in on herself and become a black hole.

9    


Proposal

A passenger plane was flying over a desert when one engine broke down and the plane crashed.

One man survived and decided that not knowing when help would arrive, he needed to prepare himself for surviving.

After three months the man had settled in quite nicely, built him a shelter, had a steady food supply and found a water hole.

Also at this water hole he came across a lone camel staying by the water hole, and accepted this camel as his 'company'.

For another three months this went on until the man was starting to get bored with the life he had made for himself in the desert, and as with any man, the man had been raunchy for quite a while now, until one day, whilst looking at the camel, considered it ... and had a go but failed in his attempt.

This was the case every day for the following three months, with the man getting to an uncontrollable state of raunchiness, when another plane crashed near where the man was staying, he rushed to the scene to find a sole survivor, a beautiful young French female model.

The man helped the lady to his home where he fed her, gave her water and started telling his whole story about living in the desert.

As night fell and the man went on telling his story, the model got more and more amazed at this man's story, and by the time the man was had finished, the woman had even fallen in love, and with their romantic atmosphere asked him that for all of his troubles and kindness, there surely was something she could do for him??

... After thinking for a while the man agreed and pointed at the camel saying "I've been trying for three months now, I would really appreciate it if you could please hold the camel still!"

3    


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