"Hello. Your mother-in-law fell into my pool filled with crocodiles."3 Mother-In-Law Jokes
"The crocodiles are yours, so you save them."
What did the bee say to the flower?6 Bee JokesProposal
Why was the goose fired from the pillow factory? He kept breaking down. ~ Bill Gates O Hell2 Short jokes
"Doc, you've gotta help me. My wife just isn't interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?"21 Sex JokesProposal
"Look, I can't prescribe ..."
"Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I am desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going utterly to Hell! You've got to help me."
The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental, the tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give her more than ONE, understand? JUST one."
"I don't know, doc; she's awfully cold ..."
"One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"
"Um ... okay."
Our hero expresses gratitude, and departs for home, where his wife has dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to bring dessert. Our hero, in fumbling haste, pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into his wife's coffee. He reflects for a moment, hesitates, then drops in a second pill. And then he begins to worry. The doctor did say they were powerful. Then an inspiration strikes: he drops one pill into his own coffee.
His wife returns with the shortcake, and they enjoy their dessert and coffee, our hero with poorly concealed anticipation. Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish, his wife shudders a little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange smoky look enters her eyes. In a deep, throaty, near-whisper, in a tone of voice he has never heard her use before, she says, "I ... need ... a man ..."
His eyes glitter and his hands tremble as he replies, "Me ... too ..."
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and says: "Hello!"8 Short jokesNext page JokesHell Sayings
He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says,: "Do you Know me?"
To which she replies: "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says: "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that got me so excited I had to lay you right there on the pool table with all my buddies spraying whip cream on us?"
She looks into his eyes and calmly says: "No, actually I'm your son's maths teacher!"