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So there were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.

The first cow said,"I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."

The other cow replies, "Hell, I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."

10     Cow Jokes


Proposal

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer. If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969. If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the dash key until a representative comes on the line. If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s maiden name. If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000. If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9…     ~ Mental Health Hotline

1     Short jokes


Proposal

Three guys meet after work at a bar. They all get pretty hammered and eventually split up. The next morning they gather around the watercooler and tell of their exploits from the previous night.
Guy #1 "I was so drunk last night I couldn't even get up my front steps. My wife found me on the porch and gave me hell!
Guy #2 "That's nothing. I stumbled home, dropped my key, couldn't find it so I banged on my front door, turns out I went to the wrong house. The guy who answered the door was so mad he punched me and I fell onto his garden gnome butt first!
They all looked at the third guy who said nothing. "Wellllllll???" they asked.
Guy #3 said, "I went home and blew chunks".
They all laughed, "That's nothing!"
Guy #3 "No, no, you don't understand...Chunks is my dog."     ~ Gnome De Plume

0     Short jokes


Proposal

A blonde man looked into the mirror, and said: I have seen this face, but where....? The next day he looks at the glass of the public televisions and sees his face and says: Oh... So you were the one who broke into my house yesterday, and the man breaks the glass.... He hurts himself and hello there reader, I hope that you add me on my discord if you see this joke.. My discord is: SamYoBoi#3905     ~ SamYoBoitag3905

0     Short jokes






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