Heard - 34 jokes
4 missionary jokes
A Baptist missionary
in Africa was just walking when he heard the ominous padding of a lion
"Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, "Grant in thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion."
In the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying
too: "Oh Lord," he prayed, "I thank thee for the meal
which I am about to enjoy."
12 cow jokesProposal
So there were these two cows
, chatting over the fence between their fields.
The first cow said,"I tell you, this mad-cow-disease
is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm
The other cow replies, "Hell, I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks
There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an advert in the paper which outlined her requirements.2 Short jokes
She wanted a man who:
1. would treat her nicely.
2. Wouldn't run away from her.
3. Would be good in bed.
Then one day, she heard the doorbell ring and answered it. On the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.
The man says: "I'm here about the advert you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."
The lady says: "Yes, but are you good in bed?"
The man asks: "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
2 tampon jokes Jokes
A lady goes into a grocery store to buy some tampon
. As fate would have it she picked up a box without a price
on it. When the cashier
went to ring it up he noticed there was not a price.
As grocery cashiers are so inclined to do, he grabbed the P. A. microphone and said, "Need a price on TAMPAX!"
A stock boy who heard the garbled message thought the cashier said, "Some tacks
" and promptly yelled back, "The kind you pound in with a hammer or the kind you push in with your finger?"