115 jokes about hands
34 sex jokes
A mother has 3 girls, they all got married, but she wants to know how the sex
is, so she says that after the night on the honeymoon
, they write a postcard saying how it went.
The 1st girl writes: "M&M's."
Puzzled, the women buys a pack of M&M's and reads the slogan "It melts in your mouth, not in your hand."
The 2nd girl writes: "Campbell's soup."
Again the mom buys some cambles soup and reads: "Mmm ... mmm ... good."
3 weeks pass and the 3rd girl finally writes: "Ford
The mom goes to her ford and reads on a sticker: "The best never stop."
36 car jokes
walked into a New York City bank
and asked for the loan
officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan.
The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car
as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.
Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41.
The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"
The business man replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen bucks?"
35 priest jokes
The new priest
is nervous about hearing confessions
, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this.
The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on', and "I understand. How did you feel about that?" The new priest says those things.
The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying 'No shit
?!? What happened next?"
18 blowjob jokes
A boy takes his girlfriend
home after going out together.
When they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and says, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob
"What? You're crazy!"
"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No!! Someone may see – a relative, a neighbor ..."
"At this time of the night? No one will show up ..."
"I've already said No, and NO!"
"Honey, it's just a small blowie ... I know you'd like it, too ..."
"No! I've said NO!"
"My love ... Don't be like that ..."
At this moment, the girlfriend's younger sister
shows up at the door in her nightgown with her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes, she says, "Dad
says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"
33 heaven jokesNext page Jokeshand sayings
There was an earthquake
at the Christian Brothers' monastery and it was leveled. All fifty brothers were transported to heaven
at the one time.
At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter said, "Let's go through the entry test as a group. Now, first question. How many of you have played around with little boys
Forty-nine hands went up.
"Right!" said St. Peter. "You forty-nine can go down to Hell
. Oh, and take that deaf bastard with you!"