116 jokes about hands
27 sheep jokes
This Scottish farmer
walks into the neighborhood pub
, and orders a whiskey
"Ye see that fence over there?" he says to the bartender. "Ah built it with me own two hands! Dug up the holes with me shovel, chopped doon the trees for the posts by me ownself, laid every last rail! But do they call me 'McGregor the Fence-Builder?' No..."
He gulps down the whiskey and orders another. "Ye see that pier on the loch?" He continues, "Ah built it me ownself, too. Swam oot into the loch to lay the foondations, laid doon every single board! But do they call me 'McGregor the Pier-Builder?' No."
"But ye fuck
20 Jesus jokes
A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus
, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."
Mary answers, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"
The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"
26 heaven jokes
There was an earthquake
at the Christian Brothers' monastery and it was leveled. All fifty brothers were transported to heaven
at the one time.
At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter said, "Let's go through the entry test as a group. Now, first question. How many of you have played around with little boys
Forty-nine hands went up.
"Right!" said St. Peter. "You forty-nine can go down to Hell
. Oh, and take that deaf bastard with you!"
17 dog jokes
Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date
's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.
"I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play with Rollo while you're waiting?" He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through."
followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through -- and over the balcony railing. Just then Paul's date walked out.
"Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?"
"To tell the truth, "he replied,"Rollo seemed a little depressed to me!"
Teacher12 Little Johnny jokesNext page Jokeshand sayings
: "I told you to write this poem out 10 times to improve your handwriting
and you've only done it 7 times?"
: "Looks like my counting
isn't too good either!"