Gross jokes

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can.

He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!".

After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"

One little girl takes a shower with her nan, points down and asked: "What's that?"

Nan says: "That's my beaver."

The next day the girl went to shower with her mum and points down and says: "I know what that is, it's your beaver."

Mum replies: "Oh yeah how do you know that?"

"Nan told me, but I think hers is dead because it's tongue is hanging out!"

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.

What's green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?

Kermit's Finger.

How many babysitters does it take to change a light bulb?

Are you joking? They can't even change a dirty diaper!