Golf jokes

Two political candidates were having a hot debate.

Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other: "What about the powerful interest that controls you?"

And the other guy screamed back: "You leave my wife out of this!"

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.

I was uncomfortable with the women's type I had been playing with.

After turning for several minutes, a good looking gentleman working in the store approached me.

He asked if he could help me.

Without giving it a thought, I looked at him and said: "I think I like playing with men's balls!"

The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word "definitely" in a sentence.

Little Johnny replies: "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"

The Teacher says: "Of course not Johnny."

To which Johnny replies: "Then I have definitely shit my pants."

Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say: ''It could have been worse.'' His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side. So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date.

Joe asked: ''Where's Gary?''

And one of his friends said: ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''

Joe says: ''Well it could have been worse.''

Both his friends said: ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''

Joe says: ''If it had happened two days ago, I would be dead now!"

Yo momma is so fat, she has to use a boomerang to put on her belt!