33 jokes about golf
Golf
rules for
beginners:
1) Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
2) Form a loose grip.
3) Keep your head down.
4) Avoid a quick back swing.
5) Stay out of the water.
6) Try not to hit anyone.
7) If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
8) Don't stand directly in front of others.
9) Quiet please ... while others are preparing to go.
10) Don't take extra strokes.
Now, that's very good. Flush the
urinal, go outside, and
tee off.
10
urinal jokesIt was a sunny Saturday morning, and
Jim was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the
clubhouse loudspeaker: "Would the gentleman on the
Ladies tee please back up to the
men's tee, please!"
Jim was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement: "Would the man on the
women's tee kindly back up the men's tee!"
Jim had had enough. He shouted: "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!"
6
man jokesA married man was having an
affair with his
secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild
sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!".
31
sex jokesAfter a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a
policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"
"Yes," the
golfer responded.
"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?" the
cop asked.
"Yes, I did. How did you know?" the golfer asked.
"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?"
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded, "I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."
13
policeman jokesA
golfer called one of the
caddies and asked, "I need a caddy who can
count and keep the score. What's 3 and 4 and 5 come to?"
"10" said the caddy.
"Great, you'll do perfectly!"
9
caddy jokesNext page
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