The husband says to wife
: "My Olympic condoms
have arrived. Think I will wear gold tonight."
The wife says: "Why don't you wear silver and cum fuckin second for a change?"
Dianne goes to the doctor
, and says, "Doctor, I've got a bit of a problem. I'll have to take my clothes off to show you."
The doctor tells her to go behind the screen and disrobe. She does so, and the doctor goes round to see her when she is ready.
"Well, what is it?" he asks.
"It's a bit embarrassing," she replies. "These two green circles have appeared on the inside of my thighs."
The doctor examines her and finally admits he has no idea what the cause is. Then he suddenly asks, "Is your boyfriend
blushes and says, "Well, actually he is."
"That's the problem," the doctor says. "Tell him his earrings
aren't real gold."
was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary
. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon
," explained the lady. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my husband's mule stumbled. My husband quietly said 'That's once.' We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my husband quietly said, 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My husband took a pistol from his pocket and shot him.
I started to protest over his treatment of the mule when he looked at me and quietly said 'That's once.'"
A Jewish man walks into a bar and sits down. He has a few drinks, then he sees a Chinese
man and punches him in the face.
"Ouch!" the Chinese man says. "What was that for?" "That was for Pearl Harbor," the Jewish man says. "But I'm Chinese!" "Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" And the Jewish man sits back down.
Then, the Chinese man walks up to the Jewish man and punches him in the face. "Ouch!" the Jewish man says. "What was that for?" "That was for the Titanic," the Chinese man says. "But that was an iceberg!" "Ice berg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"