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An Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenly had to fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the air with her deodoriser.

Two floors later a gentleman got onto the elevator. He began to sniff.

The Avon lady asked, "Do you smell something?"

"Why, yes, I do," he replied.

"What does it smell like?"

"Hmmm, I'm not sure, but it kind of smells like someone shit in a pine tree."

7     Farting Jokes


Proposal

A customer at a supermarket asked Ranjeet, the shelf packer if he could buy half a cucumber.

Ranjeet, went to his boss and told him: "There is an idiot who wants 1/2 a cucumber".

Unfortunately the customer had followed him and was standing right behind him. When Ranjeet realised this, he quickly added "Oh and this gentleman wants the other 1/2".

Later the boss said he was very impressed by his fast thinking and asked him where he came from.

"I come from Chatsworth" Ranjeet replied and quickly added "Nothing much comes from there except musicians and prostitutes."

To which the boss said: "Oh really? My wife comes from Chatsworth".

The quick response from Ranjeet was: "Is that so? What instrument does she play?"

6     Short jokes


It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Jim was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: "Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the men's tee, please!"

Jim was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement: "Would the man on the women's tee kindly back up the men's tee!"

Jim had had enough. He shouted: "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!"

6     Golf Jokes


Proposal

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.

I was uncomfortable with the women's type I had been playing with.

After turning for several minutes, a good looking gentleman working in the store approached me.

He asked if he could help me.

Without giving it a thought, I looked at him and said: "I think I like playing with men's balls!"

4     Short jokes


At Heathrow Airport in England. A 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II. They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses. As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well.

This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity.

Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence, and the coach immediately filled with noxious fumes.

Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was a ridiculous manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation.

She turned to Mr. Bush and explained, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things even a Queen cannot control."

George W., ever the Texas intellectual and gentleman, replied, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something I would have assumed it was one of the horses."

10     Horse Jokes




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