An Alcoholic, a Chain Smoker and a Homosexual go to the doctor. 31 Smoking Jokes
The doctor says: "If any of you indulge one more time you'll die."
As they walk home they pass a bar. The Alcoholic has a shot of whiskey, falls off his stool stone cold dead. His friends are shocked.
As they walk along they come upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground still burning. The Homosexual looks at the Chain Smoker and says: "If you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead!"
Why do men want their brides to wear white?24 Man Jokes
Because they want their dishwasher to match their fridge and stove!
Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.21 Construction Jokes
He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.
The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says: "What the fuck is your problem! I said I needed a hand saw!"
The other guy says: "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"
A man speaks frantically on phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"34 Doctor Jokes
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?28 Insect JokesNext page Jokes