3 guys go camping in their new tent.45 Dick Jokes
After a night's sleep, the guy sleeping on the left of the tent wakes up in a cold sweat and tells the others "I had the most horrible nightmare that somebody was trying to pull my dick off!"
The guy sleeping on the right says "Weird! I had the exact same dream!"
The guy sleeping in the middle says "I had a dream that I was skiing ..."
A cowboy from Montana and a cowboy from California are on a sheep drive. They have been out for weeks and have been pulling sheep out of the mud and working really hard. Eventually they come across a sheep with her head stuck in the fence.23 Cowboy Jokes
They are both very lonely, so the cowboy from Montana says "I'm first!" and he drops his pants and mounts the sheep. When he is finished, he steps back, looks at the California cowboy, and says "You're next".
The California cowboy drops his pants and sticks his head in the fence.
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?13 Man Jokes
Both of them.
A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture.52 Sex Jokes
The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics"
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.29 Sex JokesNext page Jokes
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you."