 A dog's new year resolutions1. I will stop trying to find the few remaining clean pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up. 2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. 3. I will not eat other animals' poop. 4. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop. 5. I will not eat my own vomit. 6. I will not eat "kitty box crunchies". 7. I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing. 8. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones. 9. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them. 10. I will not chew crayons or pens, specially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging. 11. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside. 12. I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet. 13. I will not bark each time I hear a door bell on TV. 14. I will not walk under the big dog when he is peeing. 15. I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it. 16. I will not play tug-o'-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. 17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps. 18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration. 20. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 21. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. 22. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. 23. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
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