A bloke takes his mates back to his new flat, after a few more beers
One of the boys asks him: "What's the big brass gong for?"
The host says: "It's my speaking clock
"How does it work?"
"I will show you" and he hits it full pelt with a club hammer!
A voice from next door yells: "For fucks sake you cunt, its twenty to three in the morning!"
A guy walks into work, and both of his ears
are all bandaged up. The boss
says, "What happened to your ears?"
He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone
rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron."
The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?"
He says, "Well, geez, I had to call the doctor