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What have clouds and men got in common?

When they finally fuck off, it’s a very nice day!

56    

man,hiking

A man was rushed in to hospital yesterday because he swallowed a five pound note.

They are keeping him in for observation on his condition - but so far there has been no change!

29    


A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian said: "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

75    

man,firecracker

blonde:5
A blonde walks into a shop and gets one of the staff to help her find a TV. She finds one and says: "Can I buy that TV please?"

Staff guy: "No I don't serve blondes!"

Blonde: "Wait here!" She runs of, dyes her hair black and comes back in and says: "Can I buy that TV please?"

Staff guy: "No I don't serve blondes!"

Now the blonde is getting confused so she goes and dyes her hair red and comes back in and says: "Can I buy that TV please?"

Staff guy: "No I don't serve blondes!"

Blonde: "Why do you keep on calling me a blonde?"

Staff guy: "Because that's not a TV that's a microwave!"

8    


Proposal

A little girl finds her dog dead with his legs in the air and she asks her dad why it's like that.

Dad says: "It has died and it's like that so jesus can pick it up and take it to heaven."

The next day girl says to dad: "Mom nearly died today. She was on her back with her legs in the air shouting: 'Oh Jesus, I'm coming, I'm coming and if the milkman hadn't been holding her down we would have lost her for sure!"

3    



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