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Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.

The first guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."

The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."

They then asked the woman, "What are you?"

She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

42     Wife Jokes


There are four kinds of sex:

HOUSE SEX: You and your spouse are newlyweds and you fuck all over the house.

BEDROOM SEX: You and your spouse have been married for a few years, have settled down, and only fuck in the bedroom.

HALL SEX: You and your spouse have been married for fifteen years and say, "Fuck you!" when you pass in the hall.

COURTROOM SEX: You and your spouse have been married for twenty years, your spouse's lawyer fucks you out of everything you've got.

26     Sex Jokes


This Scottish farmer walks into the neighborhood pub, and orders a whiskey.

"Ye see that fence over there?" he says to the bartender. "Ah built it with me own two hands! Dug up the holes with me shovel, chopped doon the trees for the posts by me ownself, laid every last rail! But do they call me 'McGregor the Fence-Builder?' No..."

He gulps down the whiskey and orders another. "Ye see that pier on the loch?" He continues, "Ah built it me ownself, too. Swam oot into the loch to lay the foondations, laid doon every single board! But do they call me 'McGregor the Pier-Builder?' No."

"But ye fuck ONE sheep ..."

27     Sheep Jokes


There was a prostitute on the beach without any arms or legs, and crying. A man came along and asked her what the matter was. She tells him that she has not been hugged before, so he picks her up and hugs her.

The next day she is still there crying, the same man comes along and asks her what the matter is. She tells him that she has not been kissed before, so he picks her up and kisses her.

The next day she's still there crying, and same man comes along again. He asks her sternly what the matter is and she tells him that she has not been fucked before. So the man picks her up, walks to the end of the pier, and throws her in the sea and says: "Now you're fucked."

27     Prostitute Jokes


How do you make a bunch of little old ladies say "fuck"?

Shout "Bingo!"

7     Bingo Jokes






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