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Gordon Brown was lookin for a lady of the night. He found a girl in a local pub. He said: "I'm Prime minister of England, how much would it cost me to spend time with you ...?"

Her reply: "Mr prime minister, if you can get my skirt as high as my taxes, my pants as low as my wages, your dick as hard as the times we're living in and keep it rising like the price of petrol and screw me the way you have the pensioners - then it won't cost a fucking penny!"

19     prime minister jokes


Proposal

A man is backpacking through Ireland, when he sees a bar, and goes in for a drink. He sees an old man, who breaks the silence.
"You see this bar? I built this bar with my bare hands, found the finest wood, and planed it just so. But do they call me McGreggor the bar builder? NO!"
"You see that house out the window? I built that with my bare hands, blood, sweat and tears, too. Do they call me McGreggor the house builder? NO!"
"You see that pier on the lake? I built that with my own bare hands, drove the pickings against the tide and the sand, plank by plank, but do they call me McGreggor the pier builder? NO!"
The old man looks around to make sure no one is listening, and then leans in to the younger man.
"But you fuck one goat!!!!"     ~ McGreggor the.....

3     Short jokes


Proposal

Jake was dying. His wife Becky was by his bedside.

"Becky", he said in a tired voice, "there's something I must confess."

"Shhh, there's nothing to confess, everything's alright" replied Becky.

"No, I must die in peace ... I shagged your sister, your best friend, her best friend and your mother"

"I know" whispered Becky, "that's why I poisoned you, you fucking bastard!"

7     Short jokes


Italian: "When I finish making love to my girlfriend I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees and she floats 6 inches above the bed in extasy!"

Frenchman: "Zat is nothing, when I finish wit ze girl ah kiss her all ze way down her body and zen lick ze soles of her feet and she floats 10 inches above ze bed in extasy."

Englishman: "When I'm finished shaggin me bird I wipe me knob on the curtains and she hits the fucking roof!"

12     english jokes


A bunch of guy's were working on a 50 story construction site, a guy working at the top accidently knocked a brick off the 50th story. When looking down he saw that his boss was in line for the brick to land on his noggin and briskly yelled, "Falling Brick". The boss looked up after hearing the yell and moved to one side as the brick crashed to the ground.

The boss looked up at the worker and yelled, "A $100 bonus for you lady."

Another guy working a floor below had observed what went down with the brick and decided he'd have a go for a $100 bonus, the problem was he was a bit of a stutterer, as he kicked the brick off the side of the building he looked down and yelled with a loud voice, fffffffffffffffff "FUCK HE'S DEAD"

24     brick jokes






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