Fuck - 77 jokes
36 blonde jokes
Two car salesmen
were sitting at the bar
. One complained to the other, "Boy, business
sucks. If I don't sell more cars this month, I'm going to lose my fucking ass
Too late - he noticed a beautiful blonde
, sitting two stools away. Immediately, he offered apologies for his use of bad language.
"That's okay," the blonde replied, "I have a very similar problem ... If I don't sell more ass this month, I'm going to lose my fucking car!"
15 Walmart jokes
One day I got hired to be a Walmart
greeter. I was doing a fine job untill a women
with her two kids came in.
This women was very ugly, fat, and disgusting. She kept yelling at her two kids, cussing all over the place.
I walked up to her and said, "excuse me mam, what lovely kids you have, are they twins
She cussed at me and said, "what are you fucking retarded, anyone with eyes can tell that they aren't twins, one's 7 and the other is 9!"
I though about this for some seconds and responded, "I didn't think they looked like twins but I just couldn't believe someone would want to sleep with you twice
That was my first and last day being a Walmart greeter.
Construction19 construction jokes
worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw
. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.
He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.
The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says: "What the fuck is your problem! I said I needed a hand saw!"
The other guy says: "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming
8 yelling jokes
A very loud, unattractive, mean, nasty woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling
obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter
said pleasantly, "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't. The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter, "I just couldn't believe someone would fuck you twice
Italian: "When I finish making love to my girlfriend I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees and she floats 6 inches above the bed in extasy!"11 english jokesNext page Jokes
Frenchman: "Zat is nothing, when I finish wit ze girl ah kiss her all ze way down her body and zen lick ze soles of her feet and she floats 10 inches above ze bed in extasy."
Englishman: "When I'm finished shaggin me bird I wipe me knob on the curtains and she hits the fucking roof!"