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Friend jokes

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Why was the blondes' belly button sore?

Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

28     → Joke


Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to a sex therapist who promised to only take their case if he knew he could help them. After hours of tests, he agreed he could help. He told them to stop at the store on the way home and buy donuts and grapes. Mrs. Smith was to toss the donuts at Mr.Smith's erection and eat the ones that stayed on. Mr.Smith was to roll the grapes across the floor and eat the ones that became lodged in Mrs. Smith's love canal.

A few weeks later, the Jones came to see the doctor. "Our friends the Smiths told us to come to you." they said.

The doctor ran the tests and came back to the Jonses. He told them he was sorry but there was just nothing he could do. The Jonses said "You helped the Smiths, why won't you help us?"

After continued begging from the Jonses, the doc said "ok, ok ... stop by the market on the way home and buy a box of Cheerios and a bag of oranges."

37     → Joke


"Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goes fishing every weekend?" asked Jane's best friend.

"Why shouldn't I?" said Jane.

"Well, maybe he is having an affair?"

"No way" said Jane "he never returns with any fish..."

35     → Joke


Proposal

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends: "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father."

The second Catholic man chirps: "My son is a bishop. When he walks into a room people call him Your Grace."

The third Catholic gent says: "My son is a cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says Your Eminence."

The fourth Catholic man chirps: "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him Your Holiness."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well ...?"

She replies: "I have a gorgeous daughter. When she walks into a room, people say,... Oh God!"

9     → Joke


A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper."

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."

Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the rabbi. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.

The man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?"

"No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed."

20     → Joke



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