97 jokes about friendsProposal
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.9 → JokeProposal
The first Catholic man tells his friends: "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father."
The second Catholic man chirps: "My son is a bishop. When he walks into a room people call him Your Grace."
The third Catholic gent says: "My son is a cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says Your Eminence."
The fourth Catholic man chirps: "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him Your Holiness."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well ...?"
She replies: "I have a gorgeous daughter. When she walks into a room, people say,... Oh God!"
A proof that men have better friends:7 → Joke
A woman didn't come home one night. Next morning she told her husband she had slept over at a friends house. Husband calls her 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Man didn't come home one night. Next morning he says he slept over at a friends house. Wife calls his 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he slept over and two said he was still there.
"Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goes fishing every weekend?" asked Jane's best friend.36 → Joke
"Why shouldn't I?" said Jane.
"Well, maybe he is having an affair?"
"No way" said Jane "he never returns with any fish..."
A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper."19 → Joke
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."
Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the rabbi. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.
The man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?"
"No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed."
A man and his wife are in the shower together when the doorbell rings. The wife puts on a robe and goes down to answer the door.33 → Joke
In walks her husband’s friend Ben. The woman tells him her husband’s in the shower and asks if he can come back later. Instead, Ben steps in and quietly says, "I have $400 in my pocket. I’ll give it to you if you’ll open your bathrobe for me." She’s offended, but really needs the money so she agrees, opens her robe, and lets Ben have a quick peek before doing it up again. Ben gives her the $400, and she opens the door for him to leave, but he says, "I have another $400 in my other pocket. I’ll give it to you if you let me touch your breasts." Now she’s really mortified, but again, she needs the money, so she undoes her robe and lets him have a quick feel. Taking the other $400 from him, she lets him out the door.
Going back upstairs, she gets back in the shower with her husband, feeling a little bit guilty.
"Who was that?" the husband asks.
"Oh, that was just Ben," the wife answers.
"Ben?" the husband says. "That son of a bitch owes me 800 bucks!"