5 jokes about frenchmen
4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman
, a pretty young blonde
girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman.
It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap
, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek.
The old lady thinks: "I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the dark and she slapped him."
The pretty young blonde thinks: "I bet the Frenchman tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him."
The Frenchman thinks: "I bet that Englishman fondled the blonde in the dark, but the blonde thought it was me and hit me."
The Englishman thinks: "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that French
, a Frenchman and a Russian
are viewing a painting
and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Briton "They must be British
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French
No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise
. They are Russian."
Italian: "When I finish making love to my girlfriend I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees and she floats 6 inches above the bed in extasy!"10 Proposal
Frenchman: "Zat is nothing, when I finish wit ze girl ah kiss her all ze way down her body and zen lick ze soles of her feet and she floats 10 inches above ze bed in extasy."
Englishman: "When I'm finished shaggin me bird I wipe me knob on the curtains and she hits the fucking roof!"
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker are exploring the jungle and are captured by a fierce tribe.11 Proposal
The chief tells them, "The bad news is that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison; the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol; the Brit points it at his head, says, "God save the Queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and jabs himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. Blood gushes from every hole.
The chief screams, "What are you doing?"
The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, asshole!"
A Frenchman, an Italian, a German, and a Spaniard are eating and discussing who's language was the most lovely.1
"Well," says the Frenchman, "the French word for 'butterfly' is very lovely, 'papillon'"
"Ah," says the Italian, "but so is the Italian word for butterfly: 'Farfalla!'"
"As is the Spanish word." says the Spaniard. "Mariposa"
So the German is listening to all this and comes out saying: "So what's wrong with 'der schmetterling?'"