11 jokes about forests
If a man
is alone in the forest, and he says something, and there's no woman
there to disagree with him.
Is he still wrong
There once was a bear
and a rabbit
and they hated each other. The bear and rabbit then stumbled upon a magical talking tree
. The tree said: "I will grant you 3 wishes
a piece if you will stop fighting!"
So the bear went first. "I wish all the bears in the forest are females." And all the bears in the forest turned into females.
The rabbit said: "I wish I had a helmet." Rabbit gets the helmet and the bear looks at him funny.
The bear wishes: "I wish all the bears in the country are females." The wish was granted.
The rabbit says, "I wish I have a motorcycle." By this point the bear thinks the rabbit is the stupidest thing he's ever seen. The rabbit could wish for money and have all the motorcycles in the world.
The bear says: "I wish all the bears in the world are female." The wish is granted.
When it's the rabbit's turn to wish, he puts on his helmet, gets on his motorcycle, and says: "I wish that bear is gay
, a brunette
, and a redhead all work for a construction crew. One day, they were on their lunch
break, sitting on a beam thirty stories high. They all note that they've had the same lunch for as long as they were on the job. They agreed if they opened their lunchboxes and found the same lunch, they would all hurl themselves off the beam.
The next day, the police are investigating the scene where the three women
fell. When the police asked the husbands
of the women, the brunette and the redhead's husbands both said, "If I had known, I would have given her something different." However, the blonde's husband said, "Don't look at me, she packs her own lunch."
At Heathrow Airport in England
. A 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush
strode to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II. They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses
. As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well.
This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity.
Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence, and the coach immediately filled with noxious fumes.
Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was a ridiculous manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation.
She turned to Mr. Bush and explained, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things even a Queen cannot control."
George W., ever the Texas intellectual and gentleman, replied, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something I would have assumed it was one of the horses."